Wrasslin’ with Bourbons

In professional wrestling, superstars get a small amount of time in front of an audience to tell their story.  Some of these promos help achieve them legendary status. Bourbons sometimes have one shot to grab your eye from the shelf during your search for your next addition to your collection. Bottles, labels, brand recognition, and taste all make a play at grabbing your emotions. To keep up with my promise of professional wrestling references in the Bourbon Mash-Up, let’s look at three classic wrestling promos from three world champions and compare them to some of our favorite bourbons.

1. “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair – “You’re talking to the Rolex wearin’, diamond ring wearin’, kiss stealin’, wheelin’’-dealin’, limousine ridin’, jet flyin’ son of a gun. And I’m having a hard time holding these alligators down. Woo!” While leading the Four Horseman as they dominated the southern wrestling scene in the 1980’s, Ric Flair cut the promo of all promos. Ric Flair represented high class, bravado, and was willing to rub his accomplishments in anyone’s face. His reputation for living the good life is legendary and his figure four leg lock kept the gold around his waist. I’m not sure there is any bourbon worthy of dawning the sequined robe while strutting down that aisle any more than Angel’s Envy. It’s elegant, sophisticated, has swagger, throws chops, and is sure to cause you to “Flair Flop” in the ring. Only a true heel champion has one of the seven deadly sins in it’s name.  Woo!!!!
2. American Dream Dusty Rhodes – “Hard times are when the auto workers are out of work and they tell them go home, and hard times are when a man has worked at a job 30 years, 30 years they give him a watch, kick him in the butt and say hey, a computer took your place daddy.” In a back and forth feud with Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, The American Dream, the son of a plumber, dropped his masterpiece on the microphone by associating with the common man and the every day struggles with blue collar workers.  He claimed to have wined and dined with kings and queens, and slept in alleys eating pork and beans.  Bulleit Bourbon Frontier Whiskey is my choice for the working man champion bourbon. The bottle has that classic blue collar look, it’s flavor is based on a 150 year old family tradition , and is generally affordable after having cashed in that paycheck on a Friday night.  It will certainly have you throwing bionic elbows by the end of the night “Daddy!”.
3. Stone Cold Steve Austin – “You sit there and you thump your bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn’t get you anywhere. Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16…Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your a**!”  This promo at the 1996 King of the Ring Pay-Per-View was the turning point in his career that skyrocketed in the late 1990’s.  When Johnny Paycheck wrote “Take this job and shove it!” it might have been the prequel promo to the career of Stone Cold Steve Austin’s run through the WWF while he was a persistent pain in management’s side.  He most assuredly was the biggest marketing success the industry had ever seen. Austin 3:16 shirts could be seen throughout the country on young men hoping they could drop their boss with a Stone Cold Stunner.  This could have gone several directions in regards to the perfect bourbon comparison to the Texas Rattlesnake, but I think I have the perfect pairing.  If he could be bottled, (which might be impossible because you could only hope to contain him), Steve Austin would need to be refined with oak and Texas mesquite charcoal, much like a bottle of 86 proof Wild Turkey Longbranch.  That’s the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so.

So the next time you pour a glass of bourbon, look your buddy in the eye, slap them across the chest, and give me a hell yeah!

Cheers, Y’all!